The hard path to warriorhood

Yes, let's face the harsh truth of life, Life is about suffering and pain. most of the time you feel angry, foolish, heard less, understood less, you are in a state of self-loathing were standing up after the consistent defeat feels like the heaviest work in this world. Days and nights feel worst. You cant face people during days and you can't face yourself during the night, the sound of silence hurts. The voice inside of you shouts at you, keeps reminding you that you are worthless because you lost.
You ran out of weapons, or you war coward so you retreated or maybe you were not t6he night good enough to fight that war. The agony of excuses is all in your mind. You may seem bruiseless from the outside but from the inside, you are wounded deeply. You cannot tell stories about your bravado because everybody knows that you were a failure. Everybody is aware of the fact that you didn't win. The ones who were expecting your victory, you turned their hopes down, you let them down, they must be feeling that it's not just you who lost, the unbrave defeat was theirs. they either empathise with you or they just leave you on your own or they just don't really care that much.
You feel a very sharp pain around your temples whenever you recall what happened in that battle, how your enemy knocked you down in one blow. Yes, they were not there so they don't know that after the first strike by your enemy, you actually had the courage to get up again, stand and fight. All they care about the end results. No one in this ever cared about the struggle. The struggle behind the victory. The struggle that was compared to the struggle of a fish while it is out of the water.
they see and act like they don't care when that fish dies in that struggle.
You curse yourself for not being brave enough, you curse yourself for not being good enough. You keep reimagining and reenacting that situation in your head. You imagine what could have happened if you had won that war. In your own fantasy where you are the hero, the strongest one ever alive, the undefeated one, you get pleasure by that, but temporary it is and soon you realise that actually, you are the one who tasted the dirt.
The war has ended and you are enslaved, the colonialists in the medieval era already annexed your territory, the illusion of peace is everywhere the next morning. You are walking down the road, greeting the same people you used to do before the war, but now they treat you differently. You lied to them and you let their hopes down. You are not the victim but the culprit in their eyes. Everybody is ashamed to you. You feel bad about your situation, but you cope up with it somehow, with the remaining amount of courage you have. You are not sure about it how long it is gonna last.
The guilt dripping from your face and you are not able to hide it.
days pass, years pass, but you don't recover, so do the people. Things have changed, now if you even think about going on the upcoming wars, first your inner conscience deteriorates you from within but somehow you are able to convince yourself, but now the spouse of yours, maybe the mother may be the woman who is closest to you, tends to sulk and put her doubts against you. Your self-confidence was validated over this woman, knowing that She disapproves of you going to the war again, affects your confidence. As a woman, the mysterious being, she will never tell you directly how she is gonna feel about you going to the war again, She will leave you to figure out the subtle hint she left behind. Little did you know that this clever creature actually got you there when you tried to solve the puzzle left by her. you know that you already lost the argument when you lose your calm, you already lost the battle against the opposite energy, when you attacked it. The warrior inside of you is doubting itself, whether his skills are good enough to match the opponents.
Here at this point most of them give up pursuing as a warrior because they think that they can spend their whole life in self-pity, but they are not aware of the fact that once they decide to leave it like that, they stopped living but they are not dead either. they became a part of people who are neither living nor dead yet. But what is the point of being like that? The one who questions this often can let himself out of that zone and can work for himself and can definitely become a warrior.
A warrior must know that the defeat he faced is not the last one in his life and more importantly that was not the last battle of his life, so he shall not give up no matter what happens. He must remind himself that he is a born King with the abilities of the warrior and he shall conquer. the warrior who believes in himself never lets his failures come into his way, his path towards success. the warrior, The true one should possess the courage to keep swinging his sword till his last breath. A warrior shall seek glory rather than misery. A warrior shall never forget that he becomes strong with every battle no matter win or lose. A warrior shall go through the pain and make it his source of growth and strength. A warrior shall fear no one.
A warrior should rise like the sun, magnificently bright and warm and should lie down like moon, maintaining the calm within. A warrior must look after himself. Warrior struggles to become a better person.

Decide if you want to be a warrior or a miserable human being for
the rest of your life. !

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